Coleen Nolan advice: Depression, remarrying and family woes
Mirror agony aunt Coleen Nolan advises three people on their relationship problems
I don’t want mum to remarry
I’m a 15-year-old girl and about a year ago my father died. A few months later, my mum found a boyfriend and now they’re getting married. I hate the idea that she’s getting married. I fight with her every day and we’re not talking.
It’s got to the point where I feel depressed and have even thought of self-harming.
I don’t think my mum cares about me any more.
What should I do?
I’m sorry about your dad – it must have been hard for both you and your mum.
First of all, your mum does care about you and her remarrying doesn’t mean she didn’t love your dad. I’m sure if he were still alive your mum would still be happily married to him. But he’s not and, at some point in the not so distant future, you will leave home to go to college and carve out your own life and your mum has to make a new life for herself, too.
Meeting this man has given her a second chance. I know it probably feels like she’s betraying your dad, but she’s not and I guarantee that your dad would want her to be happy.
Don’t drive a wedge between you and your mum over this – try to see things from her point of view. Who knows how any of us would react in her situation?
I lost my sister six months ago and I would love to see her husband meet someone else and be happy – and she would have wanted that for him, too. Life has to go on.
Self-harming is not the answer. Reach out to your mum and explain how you feel – start a grown-up dialogue about it. Respect that you’re both grieving differently and don’t lose her because she’s the best friend you’ll ever have in life.
I’m beating depression but she wants a break
I’ve been with my girlfriend for four-and-a-half years. I thought that we loved each other very much and we have had an amazing time together over the years, including a round the world trip.
However, for the past 18 months I have suffered from depression, although I’m happy to say that I’m turning the corner.
The problem is, I’ve turned that corner to be greeted by my girlfriend saying she doesn’t want to sleep with me any more and that she just sees me as a friend. I’ve asked if it’s a physical thing or more of an emotional issue and she says the latter, so she has started seeing a counsellor.
The sessions haven’t helped as yet and she has now asked me for a month’s break or we split for good.
I’m mad about this girl and hope to God she sees that we’re meant to be. She’s my whole world and my soulmate.
I don’t know what to do right now for the best and sleeping on people’s floors and living out of a suitcase isn’t helping, either.
You have to give her the space that she’s asking for. She can’t force her feelings and you can’t force her to feel a certain way, either. Perhaps supporting you over the past 18 months has had an impact on her. You might have turned a corner, but maybe she hasn’t.
Feeling responsible for you and your feelings might have left her feeling worn out.
You can’t use her as your crutch at the moment. It’s fantastic that you feel so much better, but you might have to harness that new-found positivity to learn to be on your own if your girlfriend decides she’s not happy in the relationship.
Don’t bombard her with texts and phone calls during the month you’re apart. As much as you adore her, you shouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t really want to be with you. And you wouldn’t want her to stay with you purely out of guilt.
Ultimately, it will end if it’s not right and it won’t be any easier if it happens in five months or five years. Let her have some space and if she decides it’s not what she wants, then you have to let her go.
I can’t cope since hubby walked out
My husband left me and our four-year-old son and I can’t cope.
We had been drifting apart for a couple of years as he was working nights while I cared for our son.
We became like ships that passed in the night and even ended up sleeping in separate rooms.
He also cheated on me, making the excuse that he was lonely and I wasn’t very nice to him. But that was down to stress and the frustration of feeling lonely too.
I’ve begged him to stay and give us another chance as he doesn’t work nights any more, but he has now got his own flat.
I really need help to deal with the rejection I’m feeling and to stay strong for the sake of our little boy.
Time is the only thing that will help you deal with the emotional anguish you are going through.
In the meantime, the best way to distract yourself is to put all your energy into caring for your little boy. Hopefully, your husband will still be a good dad to him.
But try not to use your son to get back at your ex as the only person you’ll hurt is your little boy.
Also, why try to get through this alone? Don’t be scared to lean on your family and friends, and tell them how you’re feeling.
As hard as it is, you have to remember there must have been reasons why you drifted apart.
It’s not necessarily anyone’s fault – sometimes it just happens.
When your ex comes round to visit his son and sees you’re coping well, your self-esteem will grow.
A survey by Littlewoods.com has found the average bloke holds on to his underpants for seven years with 22% of men admitting they don’t change their pants every day! One in 10 men aged between 24 and 35 also revealed they relied on their mum to buy their undies. Come on, guys, you won’t impress the ladies with those statistics!