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I was in good form/having a good time at the table during the meal, taking extra vegetables because I was hungry and also because the dish I ordered was spicy

Dear Coleen
I’m a 24 year-old girl and used to be at college with a girl who’s getting married soon.

Her birthday was during the college term and on two consecutive years I gave her a birthday present.

My birthday is in August and she never gave me a gift.

I was the only one of her college friends to attend the hen party, which I enjoyed.

The weekend cost me £200 and was the first time we’d met since leaving college three years ago.

The thing is, I haven’t been invited to the wedding and I’m now feeling angry, used and abused.

I’m worried in case she has excluded me from the wedding because of something I did at the hen night.

I was in good form/hyper/having a good time at the table during the meal, taking extra green vegetables because I was hungry and also because the dish I ordered was spicy.

I didn’t chip in for a taxi on the way back to the hotel because there were people who hadn’t chipped in for the fare on the way to the nightclub.

I spoke to my parents about how I wasn’t invited to the upcoming wedding.

My mother’s response was ‘f*** her’ while my dad said, ‘Maybe she only invited a few of her college friends’.

A close friend also assumed I would be invited to the wedding because I was invited to the hen party.

Am I overthinking this whole situation?

Am I correct in thinking that many girls go on a hen party because it’s a night out and nothing more?

Have we just outgrown each other as friends?

Any advice you could give me would be great.

Coleen says
I think you’ve become a little obsessed by it.

She sounds more of an acquaintance to me as opposed to a good friend, so why let her waste so much of your energy and time?

If it would stop driving you mad, why not come right out and ask her if you’ve done something to upset her?

It could simply be that she likes you, but is closer to some of her other friends and can’t afford to have everyone at the wedding.

Maybe this has proved that you’re not as close as you thought you were, so it’s time to move on.

Personally, I wouldn’t want to push myself on someone who doesn’t seem that bothered about our friendship.

I’m friends with lots of people because the job I do is very sociable, but if I were to have a party for my 50th, there would be lots of people I couldn’t invite because I’m closer to other friends.

Don’t let this take over your life, as it seems to be doing.

If you challenge her, then at least you can put it to bed and move on.

I fancy the girl my pal is chasing

GettyStudents talking in school hallwayStudents talking in school hallway

Dear Coleen

I’m a 15-year-old boy and one of my best mates likes a girl a lot.

He never stops talking about her and I have tried to convince him to ask her out.

Problem is, she couldn’t be less interested in him if she tried.

But, for some reason, she has struck up many conversations with me, smiles at me all the time and has even laughed at my jokes.

Now I have started to develop feelings for her, but I’m afraid that initiating anything would be betraying my friend.

Loyalty is a big thing for me, and I have even kicked a few of my friends out of our group for various kinds of betrayal.

My heart is starting to rule my head and I don’t know what to do.

Coleen says

I think your gut instinct is right that it wouldn’t be good to do that to your friend.

At 15, there are so many lovely girls out there to date – why pick someone who could potentially ruin your friendship?

I think the main reason you’re falling for her is that you know it’s wrong deep down and it all seems very exciting and romantic.

But at your age girls come and go – and friends can be there forever.

Your friend would be hurt if you took things further because he’s opened up to you and confided in you.

This girl obviously doesn’t fancy him and that’s something he’ll have to deal with, but I’d back off.

If you were older I might have a different answer.

We’ve not had sex for seven months
GettyTroubled CoupleTroubled Couple
Dear Coleen

I have been dating my girlfriend for six years and, until the birth of our daughter 21 months ago, our sex life was pretty good.

Unfortunately, no matter what I say or do my partner will not have sex or engage in any closeness at all.

She assures me she loves me, but it has been seven months and counting since our last sexual encounter.

Can you advise as to what I should do?

Coleen says

We all know a new baby is a fabulous thing, but it also changes everything, mainly for the good.

Physically and mentally, it’s exhausting. And it takes some getting used to.

The first two to three years is the hardest bit, so the good news is you’re most of the way there!

Right now, though, as soon as the baby’s asleep at night, I’m sure all your girlfriend wants to do is collapse on the sofa and watch telly or get an early night.

The danger is it becomes a routine that’s hard to get out of.

And for some women, the longer they go without sex, the less they need it.

Generally speaking, the more you do it, the more into it you are.

For the two of you, sex has become an issue that’s causing tension, so she’s probably even less likely to want it.

It’s hard to talk about sex, but it’s important for your relationship to address it properly.

Take the initiative and put some dates in the diary when you get a babysitter and plan some nice things together.

Don’t expect it to lead to sex, but build up to it gradually.

It sounds like you need to learn how to be a couple again and remember what made you fall in love.


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